They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
