go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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