he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
