I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
