So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Two words: blizzard sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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