Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
