So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
