Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
