its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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