TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
