You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
