he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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