Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
being pregnant is like rehab
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
