i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
