We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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