If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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