yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
