just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
