sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
