he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i dont even know how to be here
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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