Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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