i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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