I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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