Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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