1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
