So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
