What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
