im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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