Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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