Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
