Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
