I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
