Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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