I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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