did you get engaged???
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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