Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
