I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
