Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
love makes seman taste better
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
