I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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