if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
