Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
now i know why i became what i already was.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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