too bad you live with your parents still
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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