I look better un-naked...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
