pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
