can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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