Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
