1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
