So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
