why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
