she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
