Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
